As the youngest child I squirmed The moment a baby came into view. I could count on my mom’s giant OH then a massive, gargoyle grin and the goo goo gah gah ridiculousness that would bubble over and ooze on the child.
I didn’t remember this face used on me, But only because I out grew it. And maybe I thought she should Look that way at me, even then.
But mostly, I was just embarassed, of the fool my mom would be.
Fast forward. I saw my friend’s infant, yesterday. My face instantly contorted, “OH” then all teeth, instantly rewarded with a toothless giggle.
I smell like me. I am who I say I am. Which meaning do I seek? Martha? Oh lady, mistress? Max, a diminutive of greatness? Née surname Balsiger, of the Palzing region, A rush of blood recognition when I’m in Bavaria. Adopted to Torrens of Torrance of Torrance north of East Kilbride or of Glasgow. Married to Despain meaning D’Espagne a French pointing labeling: “Spaniard.” Married to Frazier. Sweet French kiss of strawberries from a Scottish vale. The Bard asks, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose/ By any other name would smell as sweet” And I smell like me. MaxieJane Frazier Née, again.
Dear Future Me, You’re going to be better, right? Than I am right now? Please drop me a line and let me know it’s all going to be okay.
Dear Earlier Me, You should have seen us. Serene and, is it placid? Better than placid because we’re vigorous and right there. But when the moment turned–there are an infinite number of these moments–we didn’t turn too. For example, when we were riding Gus, maybe the fifth time when we were both becoming comfortable with each other, he skittered sideways from the poles that had been there all week. Before, we might have bent his head around, spinning to a stop, gasping through what might have been. Running the multitudes of bucks and bolts and falls and injuries before the spook had its second step. Instead, we added leg. Instead, we moved with him. Instead, we danced the diagonal, turning the unexpected energy into poetry–a leap into the future and harmony. An embrace and shaping that became beauty. You should have seen us, relinquishing at least enough control to learn how to soar.